Internet Dating Online: Psychiatrist? No. Analyze? Yes

In a recent Pew Internet and American Life Project analysis it is estimated that 16 million Americans have used used an online dating web site. With the new technologies and familiarity this number is only going to grow.

But there is another set of numbers which should be of great concern to you as well as the online dating industry. Twenty nine percent of those who did participate reported having a negative experience. For an an industry that is still fairly new that is a significantly high number.

Nobody can predict with any certainty what will happen when two people get together. Sometimes dating online does not translate into the face to face world for whatever reason.

However it can also come down to a lack of doing, your homework. When love, emotions and romance are involved, it is easy to get swept away by the great moments you two maybe sharing instead of taking a step back and doing some critical thinking.

While no one can tell case by case why many people reported having a negative experience, it is probably safe to say that lack of serious analyzing may well have played a role in some instances.

You are not a psychiatrist but when it comes to finding the right partner in cyber space you do need to take certain things into consideration.

1. Why the Anger?

Most of the time when you chat online with the other person, it is peaches and crème. Everything feels so right. But once in a blue moon, something seems to set them off. Once it's over, you both go back to having a great time.

Take a look at this one thoroughly. Nobody is perfect but analyze how often this happens and try to figure out what triggers it. If it is over something trivial then there is the distinct possibility it will fully manifest itself in matters of greater importance.

2. They will get back to you

You ask them a simple and direct question about a certain topic. Their answer would make a politician proud the way they duck, dodge and segue into a new subject. Why? If they feel uncomfortable with certain questions than it is their right to tell you so.

It would even help the situation if they at least gave you a sense of why they do not want to answer. But consistently refusing to address your questions does not give them an air of mystery; it means they are hiding and/or lying about something.

3. We have got to do this NOW!

After a few online chats, you are curious to meet the other person but still want to take it at a deliberate pace. They on the other hand want to meet you right now. Also whether it is your personal or travel information, they keep pressing you for more and more of it.

The funny part is when you suggest a phone conversation, they aggressively refuse. What's going on here? No matter how much you two have hit it off, your instinct should be going off like a security alarm.

Meeting a new person and trying to figure out if there is a relationship in the making always carries a certain amount of risk. However when it comes to internet dating online, keep your emotions and desire for romance in check as much as possible. Start doing some critical analysis of the other person and let your instincts play a major role in your final decision.

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Article written by Daryl Campbell. Internet dating online can be a great place to meet that special someone but you've got to be patient, be safe and keep your wits about you. Before jumping into cyberspace learn the 5 Questions You MUST Ask at The Relationship Tip http://winthemarket.com/datingtip/questions-you-must-ask-bef ore-going-online-dating/

Did You Chose To Break Up?

Not all relationships that looks good brings happiness to the ones involved. Be sure to be with her because you love her.

One of the important questions we need to resolve from the beginning of a break-up is what part we played in causing the break-up of the relationship. More often than not, our response is not really the true answer. Rarely, does a relationship end because one person suddenly did or said something unforgivable. Often, relationships end because they are no longer convenient and convenience is one reason some people remain in a relationship.

How often we hear about a break-up and the first thing we say, "I thought they had a perfect relationship, they have it all, good jobs, great kids, beautiful home and now they are getting a divorce, I do not understand." Then you begin to hear stories: "They have been fighting for years, he has had several affairs, and she has a friend on the side." "They stayed together because of the kids or they had to stay together to keep the house." The story is a familiar one today, when more than fifty percent of marriages are falling apart within the first five years of the marriage.

There is nothing wrong with marriage, but there is a whole list of things wrong with men and women who are not making certain they have a good friend long before the person becomes a spouse. When two people are, good friends they are tolerant, sincere, ope

n, honest and above all they are committed. When two people are good friends they care deeply about each other's feelings, they choke on each other's tears, and they do not insult each other with sarcasm. They support the efforts of each other to improve the relationship .

Good friends have roaming eyes in a crowded room, searching to meet eye to eye above the crowd with a glance, which says I love you! Good friends are mature they each have learned to live alone and they have developed the skills to live with another. They have learned to care for a home and have learned how to meet monthly financial obligations. They are mature and self-assured but unafraid to share their deepest self with another. Good friends make good marriages and good friends have lasting marriages.

When there is a break-up undoing the past is impossible but we can work together to create a new future. Admit the ways you failed as a partner in the relationship. Ask for forgiveness and offer forgiveness. Make four promises and never break them. I will love you, even when you are angry with me. I will never be sarcastic, rude or intolerant of you. I will discuss our differences and will never condemn or belittle you. I will faithfully share all responsibilities for our home and our family.

Article Source: http://www.BestToRead.com/

Useful Tips To Find Mr / Ms Right

Have you spent many years going to social events in hopes of meeting a compatible single person for a relationship? Have you had little or no success when you go to social events? If yes it may be time to take a different approach to dating.

If you enjoy going to certain bars / clubs to meet people you probably know most of the people who go to these places if you have been going there for years. You need to find a way to expand your social circle.

You need to develop a plan which involves having a budget for your time and money. As you prepare yourself to commit to some new activities in your free time you should focus on activities you really enjoy doing, or activities you have always wanted to try.

Maybe you have always wanted to try kick-boxing, tennis, golf, or some other athletic activity. But you have never had anyone to do these activities with you, so you may not be interested in doing them alone.

You should make a list of specific activities which you have always wanted to try. Then you should gather information about local resources which will allow you to pursue those activities.

You can start by searching the internet, do a google search for local singles activities in, followed by the name of your city. For example local singles activities in New York, within a few seconds you will have an abundance of choices to choose from. You can also search your local news papers or magazines for activities that takes place at your local community centers.

You should build a list of local places and community centers which are available to you. Then you need to find out about everything that is offered at these facilities. This can be a long list because there are many single people who are looking for new and exciting activities to participate in while having the ability to socialize with lots of local singles.

After you have decided which activities you would like to participate in you should check you schedule and your budget. The best thing about participating in these type of activities is that you are given the ability to meet like minded singles who enjoy doing the same type of activities that you do. This is a good foundation for a meaningful relationship, because there are many couples today who have absolutely nothing in common.

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Marvin Perry is the founder of Athletic-Dating.com, Marvin
is an avid athlete and he has always had a passion for
physical fitness. It was Marvin's passion for physical
fitness which motivated him to create the web site. http://athletic-dating.com/usa/new_york/new_york_online_dating.html

Going On A First Date? Learn Some Tips & Tricks

Going on a first date can be extremely stressful, and it takes quite a bit of preparation to ensure that everything goes smoothly. When you are going on a first date you should plan the following things ahead of time: where you are going to go, what you are going to do, what you are going to wear. These things are important because you want to make a good first impression. Making a good first impression will significantly increase your chances of
going on another date with this person, if you choose to do so.

Everyone tends to think they are an expert when it comes to dating, and everyone thinks they are qualified to give sound advice. Maybe your siblings or your friends have been interrogating you on a regular basis about your love life, or trying to give you advice and suggestions. However, we all know what to do on a date. You should be yourself, try to have fun, listen, ask questions, and let the conversation flow naturally.

We all have an idea of what we need to do to be successful at dating, yet we still have stress and anxiety about going on a first date. Everyone tends to have their own set of rules they follow when dating. Some people may say it's ok to kiss on the first date, while others may disagree. Some men may feel it's necessary to open doors for women while other men may disagree, there is no standard set of rules. However, there are some common guidelines which we all can agree on.

It's important to be alert and pay attention to everything your date is saying, whether you are listening or speaking it's important to maintain eye contact.

It is necessary to plan your date ahead of time, doing this shows that you put some thought into it. Meeting your date and not having a plan on where you're going or what you're going to do is a bad idea.

Try to be somewhat original when coming up with a dating idea. Going to dinner and watching a movie is very traditional and we have all probably done that before, try to think outside the box. Go for a long ride through the city in a stretch limo, go on a picnic, try to do something that your date will enjoy doing.

Try to be polite at all times and try to avoid talking about your previous relationships. If your date is asking questions about your previous relationships it's very important that you do not say derogatory things about your ex.

Rather than focusing on the imperfections of your ex relationships. You should try to focus on the present and the future and try to talk about positive things when you are on a date.

If you had a good time and you say you are going to call, you should call. However, if you did not have a good time, and you do not plan on calling them, you should not tell them you are going to call. Honesty is very important whether or not you are interested in the person, you should be honest with them.

Is Love Always Thinking About the Other Person?

One of the biggest questions about love and relationships is if love is always thinking about the other person. The answer to this question is a simple yes. Love is partly about always thinking about the other person. This does not mean you have to obsess over them but you should always consider them when making decisions throughout your day.

When you are in a relationship you are responsible for doing things and acting in a way that would please your partner. You are responsible for not making mistakes or doing things that can hurt them. The most successful romantic relationships are based on two people who always put their partner above themselves and always consider their partners feelings and opinions.

With consideration for the other person the relationship is not in a very good place. In order to have a strong relationship you have to have respect and loyalty. When one person stops thinking about the other they start to do things that are disrespectful and hurtful.

By always thinking about the other in a relationship you are sure to never step out of line. You are going to be able to think about what they need and what they want to make them happy and if you truly love them this will make you happy.

Love is not selfish and it is not about getting what you want all the time. Love is about giving and taking; it is about equality; it is about happiness; it is about respect. Love is always thinking about the other person.

A great example of betraying love and what happens when a person stops thinking about the other person is adultery. This is often the ultimate sin in a relationship and the cause for many relationships that have ended. Adultery is selfish and it has nothing to do with the other person in the relationship. It is hurtful and completely disrespectful.

In order to have a strong relationship both people have to always be thinking about the other person. This does not mean that every little thing they do or every moment of every day should be spent thinking of the other person. What it means is that both people in a relationship should always think of the other person when they are about to do something that could impact them both.

Love is about two people. It is not a one way street. Love needs nurturing. It needs attention. When you truly love someone you do not even need to wonder if love is about always thinking about the other person. You just know that is what love is all about. Once you realize that you have truly understood the meaning of love.

Author Resource:- Jane Saeman runs a site called along with info on dating and relationship on her blog at at http://www.Hot-Firefighters.com/blog2

Keeping Fights In Your Relationship Fair

It’s as inevitable as it can be - couples fight. No matter how much we tend to believe that a couple could get through life without arguing in a perfect scenario, it’s very often not the case.

It’s as inevitable as it can be - couples fight. No matter how much we tend to believe that a couple could get through life without arguing in a perfect scenario, it’s very often not the case. People have many differences, and differences can lead to disagreements. If you follow some simple guidelines for fighting fairly, however, you can ensure that you get through fights without creating worse problems in the relationship.

It’s important to let your loved one know as soon as you can when a problem starts bothering you. The more you let the issue stew inside of you, the angrier that you will get. When you DO decide to talk about something you’ve kept inside, you tend to blow up and be really unfair to your loved one. A good guideline for ensuring that you can address the topic fairly is to not argue about anything that occurred 48 hours ago or earlier. Address the issue as soon as you can, and you stand the best chance of resolving the problem. If your loved one won’t talk to you about the issue, you should request that they set some time aside in the next 24 hours to talk about it. If the relationship is important enough, they will understand and usually will be glad you brought up the issue before it became too big of a problem.

When you get into a fight with a loved one, do your best to not drag matters from the past into the argument. If you can stick to the topic of what your disagreeing about, feelings are less likely to be hurt and more problems won’t arise. Any problems that you had with the person in the past are prologue when it comes to discussing an issue. Bringing them up will only put your loved one in a defensive mode, clouding the argument.

When talking about an issue that needs to be discussed, be sure that there are no distractions in the background to interfere with the mood. Be sure to not only listen to what your loved one has to say, but also be sure to note their body language. This way, you can both understand each others intentions more clearly and will be able to solve the problem more effectively. One strategy that many couples tend to employ to help ease bad blood is to hold both hands while discussing the problem. This warm setting encourages comfort in both parties, ensuring that you aren’t out to hurt each others feelings.

About the Author

Jonathon Hardcastle writes articles on many topics including Relationship, Family, and Kids And Teens

How to Recognize When Your Relationship Needs Help

Knowing when your relationship needs help is sometimes half the battle.

For most couples the first few months of a relationship is exciting. There’s a heady feeling of positive anticipation before each meeting and feeling of regret when you have to part. As the emotional ties grow stronger and trust builds, there’s a sharing of dreams and fantasies. Each date is eagerly awaited, planned for and remembered afterwards. Then the newness starts to wear off and the "honeymoon" is over.

Now it’s time to assess what’s left. This happens with many couples a couple of months after they first move in together. The mystery surrounding your partner’s life and habits when they aren’t with you are suddenly dispelled and you’re left with the reality of how this person is. You see them without their designer suit and slicked back hair. You see the person without make-up and animated chatter. You see the real person, and you have to figure out if this is the person you thought it was. Things to look out for in a relationship are:

1. Do you and your partner want to spend time on your own as a couple? Do you have things to talk about, passions to share that occur outside the bedroom? Do you communicate well with each other? If the answer to all, or even any, of these is ’no’, then you need to consider where the relationship is going.

2. Does your partner spend increasing amounts of time away from you -- working late for example? If so, then it could be that they are not happy in the relationship and have found a convenient way of not being home.

3. Do you look for ways of going out where you don’t need to take your partner so that you can have a break -- even if you’ve both been away from each other all day?

4. Does the spark seem to have gone out of your physical relationship? Is this one-sided, or do you both feel that it’s better this way?

5. Do you make an effort for each other? Do you dress up to go out together if there are no other people joining you, or do you just throw some clothes on because it’s ’just your partner’?

6. Do you constantly bicker and disagree on everything, even in public? All of these are warning signs that your relationship is on the verge of a downward spiral.

This is the point where you need to make a decision. You have 3 choices:

1. You can try and fix what’s wrong between you without involving anyone else.

2. You can just call it a day because the relationship doesn’t seem to be worth the effort to fix.

3. You can see professional help in the hope that an outsider person can help you both see where the problems really lie in your relationship and suggest ways to fix them.

If you have a partner that you believe in, then don’t give up without a fight. It’s not a sign of weakness or failure to seek professional help.It’s a sign that you really care about this person, and you want to explore every opportunity to make the relationship work before you accept that it’s not going to work.

About the Author

Jane Saeman runs a site called along with info on dating and relationship on her blog at at http://www.Hot-Firefighters.com/blog2

Infidelity Quickie #4: From Depression to Hope

Learn from these real life extramarital affair coaching scenarios.

In the first section the person struggling with the marital infidelity summarizes the scenario or concern and what he/she would like to say to his/her cheating spouse.

I then outline some goals that help him/her break free from the affair.

The last and important section gets at shifting the focus away from the spouse/partner to him/her self. In other
words, what does all this mean for the person on the receiving end of an extramarital affair? After that mental shift (which is NOT easy for someone in the pain and turmoil of perhaps losing one's spouse, family, and home) I, the coach, offer phrases that he/she can relay to his/her spouse in a way that speaks directly of his/her concern and has the best chance of being heard and getting positive results.

Section 1: The "offended spouse" says:

I used to focus on what mood is he in, is he going to talk to me today, is he going to look/act like he'd rather be anywhere else with anyone else other than me. This habit/pattern is hard to break, but I'm working on it.

I was so hurt and rejected that sometimes in my depression that I didn't leave the house for days. All this in an
attempt to figure out how to be okay with my life and how lonely I was. This was his excuse for his affair ("if you thought it was bad being that way, you have no idea how hard it is to live with a person like that" - thoughtful words from him after I learned of his affair).

I've been figuring out "what makes me happy" as friends refer to it, but that seems selfish and that's just not me.
I'm learning how much living like that has affected the simplist of things - mood, attitude, communication and my relationship with our 13 yr old daughter.

I wrestled with deciding whether or not to stay in my marriage and even though we're still living together, I was non-committal and that hasn't helped things much. But lately, I've been getting more clarification. I still don't have all the answers as for our marriage, but I do know that I'm doing what I'm called to do right now.

He has been making changes although I've been frustrated that they're not the ones I think he should be doing. I realized that he's trying and doing the best he can and I've not acknowledged the changes that he has made and that tears down the very thing that I said that I wanted. Regardless of where this leads, I'm ready to move forward with my life.

He has an opportunity to rise higher in his life and our relationship and if he's unable, I can accept that, but I know with all my heart that I need more than that and I love him enough to let him go. Otherwise, it'll continue to tear us down as individuals and as a couple. That to me would be unforgivable - to intentionally choose that.

I've finally forgiven him and I'm excited to be able to share that with him when I see him (he's working 4 hrs away
for a couple of weeks). I believe it's a gift that both of us need and it's necessary for healing regardless of
whether we stay together or not. In addition to asking him to forgive me for where I fell short in our relationship,
I've finally forgiven myself. The reality is that he made some wrong decision(s), but as painful as all of this has
been (this was his second affair), I'm grateful for the opportunities that it's opened in my heart.

There's great power in "pressing on" and getting through. I'll even go as far as to say that I'm starting to
determine my call and purpose in life. I don't have the specifics yet, but I know that my past experiences were not given to me just to keep them inside and hide them away (survival of growing up in physical, emotional and verbal abuse, death of my child at age 7, two abusive ex husbands, battling depression, etc).

I believe they can help others too. I've always believed that, I just lost sight of it. I'm excited to see how all
of this unfolds. Well, I know you didn't ask for a book, but I've never been one short on words.

Section 2: Personal goals suggested by the coach:

Welcome your sensitivity. Learn ways to use it, especially with others.

Examine, reflect, write down the "themes" of your life that you are internally addressing when "depressed."

Congratulate your self on your tremendous growth and progress.

Be very specific on the changes you want from him.

List 5 factors that "hold you back" from him.

List 6 of your greatest personal needs. (Check out the needless program on my site)

Continue working hard on defining your life's purpose.

Section 3: What the affair means for the "offended spouse" and what he/she REALLY wants to say to his spouse/partner having the affair:

I'm working hard on me, and boy, does that feel good. Also very exciting. But, I'm not sure, sometimes, where that
leaves me with you.

I want for us to have a richer relationship but it seems there has been so much pain and hurt, on both of our parts, that I wonder, what that means for our future.

I have some very specific needs that I would like you to meet. But, I know this can be very tricky and rather scary.
For example, I would like ____________. If you can do that, great. If not, help me understand what gets in the way. Maybe just give it some thought first, and we can get at it later.

What is your situation? Describe your situation. Let it flow. Don't hold back. Then, ask yourself, "What does this marital mean for ME?" What impact does his/her extramarital affair have on my feelings, thoughts and actions? Then rehearse approaching your spouse/partner with phrases that convey the meaning and impact of the infidelity for YOU.

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Dr. Robert Huizenga, CSW, LMFT, The Infidelity Coach, is an author, and Marriage and Family Therapist. For the past two decades he has served hundreds of couples, specifically in the area of marital infidelity. He is author of "Break Free From The Affair." Information on Dr. Huizenga's book and other services is available on his web site: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com

Changing Other People in a Relationship

Author: Mary Ann Copson

Here's a simple question that came up in Personal Coaching session:

"My husband and I have been married for five years and his family is still a mystery to me. I’ve tried everything I know to develop a closer relationship with them. I call his parents at least once a week, set up outings and dinner dates with them, and invite them on our excursions. All to no avail. They simply don’t seem interested. I think that close family relationships are important and I’ve told them how much I would like to get to know them better. And still their response is lukewarm. Should I just give up?"

Research shows that when we feel emotionally disconnected from those with whom we are in relationship, our emotional brain becomes aroused and we move into flight or fight mode. This means we respond only in terms of defense and attack. The results are not good for our relationships and it throws our physiology into chaos.

Nothing affects the emotional brain like the quality of your relationships. Women are relationship oriented - Relationships mean a lot to women. A good relationship can give you increased energy and support a positive outlook. A troubled relationship can wear you out. The health and wellbeing of your relationships entrains your emotional brain, which in turn governs your physiological health.

When you are engaged in disconnected, turbulent, or emotionally unfulfilling relationships, your moods and
energy can become drained, negative, and unsustaining.

By contrast, relationship peace and connection can lead to better health and well-being, more vital energy and more positive moods. By almost every measure those who have close and rewarding relationships do better than those who have turbulent relationships.

Often times in relationships we are looking to the other party to be an equal part of turning the relationship into something that meets our needs. But before we even get to that point there is a lot of our own internal work that can be done and often needs to be done before we can experience the kind of relationships we want.

In a situation like you are experiencing the first place to look at would be the whole issue of your need to have close family relationships. It is so important to be aware of our needs and then to find a way to get those needs met. Asking for what you need from friends and family can be wonderful and successful tactic to help get those needs taken care of. But, there are pitfalls in that process.

You may be asking your husband’s family to fulfill a need of yours that they are not capable of fulfilling –
particularly in a way that is satisfying to you. If you have a need for close family relationships, you have to
match up with someone who likes to give close family relationships. It makes no sense to keep coming to the tropics when you want to be snow skiing. They may be doing the best they can but simply not be able to do what it is you need.

If you have a need for this experience of close family relationships and your in-laws don’t seem to be able to meet that need – find another way. Perhaps it is more fulfilling for you (and less stress on them) if you fill your need by developing close relationships with other members of the family.

Also, it is a good practice to discover what is underlying this need. Maybe, these close family relationships make you feel connected and secure in a caring network. If that is the case, there are many means to experience this type of connection – become a Big Sister or get involved in a local charity organization. Once you discover the essence of your need there are many ways to get that need met.

Could be that your in-laws are already experiencing a close family relationship with you. Maybe their lukewarm response is their idea of a close family relationship and it could help you if you found out more about their ideal family interactions. Some people can feel totally connected to friends and family and not see or speak with them for months. You all might be in agreement on the basic outcome of the relationships – it is just that the ways and means that don’t mesh.

Maybe they don’t like doing the things the things you like to do – find out what their favorite things to do are.
Sitting home and watching TV might be their preference and they aren’t so fond of dinners out and excursions to new places.

There is a quote by Gandhi that says, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” This is wonderful advice for a relationship. Often we come to a relationship seeking something outside of ourselves. If we want intimacy in a relationship we can not be waiting for the other person to be intimate. We have to be intimacy ourselves. We have to develop our own experience of intimacy so that no matter who we are relating to we are able to experience an intimate connection with them. The experience comes from our own dynamic and we merge and expand that experience in the presence of another – but we don’t depend on them to make something happen for us. We become the experience we want to have in a relationship.

Unfortunately – or is that fortunately?- you can’t change anyone but yourself. Taking the focus off your husband’s in-laws and putting it on the only place you can change – yourself – will put you back in the driver’s seat and leave you in an empowered position. The need you feel for close family relationships may be your call to become connection, intimacy, or support. As you grow and develop these characteristics, of the essence of close family relationships, you will not only fill up your need but also generate those characteristics in the world and attract them to you.

Good luck and have fun.

“When we know that the cause of something is in ourselves,
and that we (ourselves) are one of the few things in the universe that we have the right and ability to change, we begin to get a sense of the choices we really do have, an inkling of the power we have, a feeling of being in charge of our lives, of our future, of our dreams.” - John Roger and Peter McWilliams

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Mary Ann Copson is the founder of the Evenstar Mood &
Energy Wellness Center for Women. With Master's Degrees in Human Development and Psychology and Counseling, Mary Ann is a Certified Licensed Nutritionist; Certified Holistic Health Practitioner; Brain Chemistry Profile Clinician. Find your Health, Wellness and Lifestyle Personal Coach at http://evenstaronline.com

When I, You, We, Have a Problem

by Helen Rothschild

Are you finding yourself dealing with the same frustrations for years? Do you know how to solve your problems? If you relate to these questions, know that you are not alone.

As a Marriage, Family Therapist, I discovered that many clients were struggling with the same unresolved issues for
a very long time. Their frustrations hurt their health, and their relationships with their loved ones and others. To help them resolve their problems in constructive ways, I wrote empowering guidelines. These positive insights can also assist you to have happier and healthier relationships.

When I Have a Problem

Please:

1.Tell me that you are there for me. That helps me know that you care.

2. Ask me if I would like to discuss my problem. Then you'll know whether I'm ready to resolve it.

3. Listen to what I'm saying and tell me in your own words what you heard. Then I'll know that you are hearing me.

4. Accept my feelings even if you do not understand them. That helps me feel my emotions are valid even if they are irrational.

5. Share with me if you also felt that way. Then I'll know that you can relate to me.

6. Explain what you would do in my situation. Then I'll see some possible solutions.

7. Ask me what my choices are. That helps me think of some other alternatives.

8. Help me brainstorm all possible resolutions. Then I'll have many creative ideas.

9. Suggest that I write down the pros and cons of my decisions. That helps me clarify my thoughts.

10. Encourage me to write down the details of my solutions. That helps me put them into action.

Thank you for being patient, accepting, and supportive. I love you!

When You Have a Problem

Please:

1. Know that it is solvable.

2. See it as an opportunity to learn something.

3. Explore your problem alone by completing the sentences: My problem is ____. Or, I feel ____.

4. Realize that asking me for support is a gift to me. You are demonstrating that you are human and that you too have problems.

5. Ask me when we can meet to discuss your issue.

6. Tell me about how much time we will need.

7. Be clear whether you want me to just listen or help you solve the problem.

8. Share with me specifically how I can help you.

9. Be patient with yourself and me.

10. Compliment yourself for having the courage to reach out to me.

Thank you for trusting me. I love you!

When We Have a Problem

Please let's:

1. Know that we can resolve it.

2. Realize it is an opportunity for both of us to learn something and be closer.

3. Separately express all our emotions in constructive ways. For example, release our anger into a soft pillow and explore any hurt, fear, or powerless feelings.

4. Decide on a specific time when we can meet to resolve the issue.

5. State the agreed on problem in the form of a question. For example, "How can we spend more time together?"

6. Brainstorm by writing down all possible solutions without either one commenting.

7. Narrow down the suggestions by taking turns crossing off any we prefer to eliminate, without giving any reasons.

8. Both state the mutually accepted solution(s).

9. Work out the details together.

10.Plan on a follow-up date to meet again to see if the problem has been resolved.

Thank you for helping to create win-win solutions. I love you!

Congratulations for dealing with your problems in loving
and constructive ways. If you continue to use these
guidelines, you can enjoy healthier and happier
relationships.

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©2008 Helene Rothschild, MS, MA, MFT, is a Marriage, Family Therapist, intuitive counselor, speaker, and author. The article is excerpts from her new book, "ALL YOU NEED IS HART!" A unique guide to Holistic And Rapid Transformation. She offers transformational phone sessions, books, e-books, MP3 audios, and a free newsletter and MP3 audio and e-booklet. http://www.lovetopeace.com , 1-888-639-6390.

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